Kindness Heals Everyone
Once I performed in Charleston, NC, for a company that holds an annual event for the food service industry. It was attended by menu planners for major restaurant chains, suppliers who market their products to the menu planners and executive chefs from large hotels. Conferences for food service professionals are perfect for my waiter routine since people tend to be extremely sensitive to quality of service. Executives from national food service companies like French’s, Smuckers, Tyson Foods, Hormel, Hyatt Regency, etc., were all networking, chumming and drinking as I began my routine. They took satisfying alarm at my eccentricities, while just a few were genuinely concerned about my condition.
There was one man especially who stood out in this respect. Instead of glowering at me like the rest of the group, he watched me openly and without judgement. For a moment I thought he had figured out I was an act. While replenishing his water by pouring from two feet above his glass, I read his nametag. "Larry" was from Texas. If I had passed him on the street I would have summed him up as the product of a “good ol’ boy” southern upbringing. Yet what he said to me in no way corresponded to my expectations.
“You know what, Malcolm ...” he began in his southern accent, looking at my own borrowed name badge, “you are doing a wonderful job. You just keep up the good work. Thank you for taking such good care of us.” If the words were warm and kind, the tone was even more so. He made it immediately clear to me that any shortcomings I thought I had ought to be dropped in favor of his confidence in me. I was instantly touched, softened and lifted up by his sincerity.
The next time I returned he addressed the reactions the other guests were having by saying, "Don't worry about these people. They're just wound a little too tight. You're doing a great job." He continued this elegant support throughout the entire meal, meeting every attempt I made to deliver inept service with some form of encouragement or empowerment to be 100 percent okay with exactly who I was.
Later after revealing myself as the headline act and having almost completed my show, I stopped and looked toward the back of the room at this man. I was unexpectedly moved to say, “Ladies and gentleman, that man in the back of the room with the yellow tie is the kindest man I have ever met." The crowd had little idea what had prompted this, but it didn't matter. Larry needed to be acknowledged, and I hoped he hadn't felt betrayed by my routine.
After my show, as I was packing up my equipment, I looked up and saw Larry re-enter the ballroom and slowly make his way across the big empty space toward me. He pulled up a chair and sat down with a very sober expression on his face. He began speaking to me about his children, his son and particularly his daughter, a fourteen year old who had been diagnosed several years earlier with a life-threatening illness. She wanted to give up and he had elected to quit his job as an executive chef to be her full-time support. He spoke of how difficult this was as she was so embittered and bewildered by the injustice of her condition, combined with the ordinary struggles of parenting a teenage son as well. He talked about being a father, about its challenges—and he talked about the pain of not measuring up to what he saw was needed, of not being able to make it all better.
He began to openly weep. He didn’t cover his face, he didn’t hide, didn’t shrink from those tears, but looked at me and let the waters of his breaking heart wash down on his suit and tie. Then he said, "I’ve never had more doubts about myself as a father and a person than I have in the last two years. I had no idea tonight that you were an entertainer and not a real waiter, but because of what you did...” he said, his voice choked with emotion, “I got to see that who I am is a good person.”
He stood up, walked over and kissed me on the top of my head before walking out. That is the last time I ever saw or spoke to him, but I have told his story to others again and again because his courage and dignity are something I still feel, and his example deserves to be shared. Wherever he is, whatever he is doing, I am grateful to the good person that he certainly is.
A Tale of Two Professionals
Quotable
"I think it's really important to maintain a positive attitude. It might not solve all your problems, but keep it up long enough and it will piss off enough people to make it worthwhile."
Margot Black
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